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A BRAVE new day

So....we were having this discussion in chat last night about being brave vs. being a chickensh*t and it would appear that I am the only that thinks that we are brave (me, the negative snarky one!) and I do~think we are brave. In fact, I believe that we are all brave wise wonderful human beings who deserve good things----and do the best that we can with what we have at the time. (Okay who is this and where is Jolene???? lol)

Van Gogh said "WHAT WOULD LIFE BE IF WE HAD NO COURAGE TO ATTEMPT ANYTHING."

So in the spirit of bravery....my definition of bravery is:

• The ability to be yourself (after all everyone else is taken)
• The ability to get out of bed everyday and keep going usually with a smile on your face especially in light of this uncertain economic world
• The ability to keep going back OP increasingly in the wake of many failed attempts
• The ability to know that you are powerless to control what happens to your children/teenagers/grown children, yet you keep doing the right things anyways even when it hurts (and it usually does!)
• The ability to face Mr. Scale on a weekly or sometimes daily basis even when we know we won't like what it says
• The ability to live in a world where food is vital, necessary and everywhere, yet it remains our addiction of choice
• Drinking all of our daily recommended 64 ounces of water and not know where all the bathrooms are in a mile radius (you may laugh---but you know what I mean!)
• Being the largest person in your fitness class and learning to not worry what everyone else thinks because you have just as much right to be there
• Getting on the dreadmill or the bike or the eliptical or which ever piece of equipment you hate when you are tired or sore or busy or _____________(fill in the blank excuse) because you made a commitment.

This and so much more (serving our country in the military, working in a demanding public service job or working with difficult hard to serve populations, fighting for world peace, etc) is MY definition of bravery.

My RAH for the day was two-fold....I went to a new zumba class to support a first time instructor in her endeavors and I brought a bag of clothes from my closet to the dv shelter because I know they are always in low supply of larger clothes. The look and smile and gratitude I got from Jackie (the new instructor) made my whole week!

Exercise today....6-8 miles walked with walking group (I love Sundays and the ability to catch up on the minutia of our groups lives) and 1 hour of Zumba

Word for the day...SORE! (drat those bar curls from yesterday!)

Signs....(of the Apocalypse?)

I have to be honest.......this is the first New Year's that I didn't feel that "rush" of adreneline that accompanied most of my New Years to start my "diet" HOWEVER there were plenty of signs that led up to me getting back on track:

• Without asking, I received both a "cute" workout outfit [I have NEVER owned a cute workout outfit---secretly wanted one but was afraid I might turn into one of those uber-perky bleached blonde gung-ho skinny minnie gymrats, pardon the stereotype!] AND a basket of 1 pt treats for Xmas
• My SIL arrived at our house for Xmas having lost over 250 pounds and looked stunning at goal....it was really like a Biggest Loser just walked in the door. My dh(it is his sister) actually drove past her at the airport as he did not recognize her. It is a major kick in the as$ when the person whom started doing weight watchers because of you(me) and whom at the time was way too large to wear any of your hand-me-downs shows up bringing you a massive amount of XL clothes that she has outgrown. While my wardrobe appreciated the boost, it was a sting that has got me fired up!
• I ran into my doctor at Panera (much better place than sitting in those stupid paper gowns) where I *was* ordering bagels and cream cheese along with muffins and pastries and she goes "Wow Jolene I haven't seen you since you did the 1/2 marathon how did it go?" with the silent eyes giving me the once over and it was not how I wanted to look the next time I saw her
• My good friend, who has been around this weight loss thing for a while but has been taking a scenic route, finally 'got her head in the game' and lost 15.5 pounds during the month of December. I was offering (mostly unwanted) advice and support along the way but felt I couldn't really talk the talk if I wasn't walking the walk
• Last but certainly not least, my dh has been very ill in december and has had to have a plethora of poking and prodding and massive tests and seeing his high blood pressure and other tests come back reminded me of how extremely proud I was of my blood work this summer and I want that feeling for all time. I NEVER want to worry about..............fitting into restaurant booths, if the chair will hold me, if I am impacting my health, if I will be the one to make the elevator or ride exceed the weight limit. I WANT to be a role model, a fit and healthy 40 something woman who runs circles around my life!

However probably the biggest sign is that today when my alarm went off (wayyyy to early for a Saturday) I got up with out complaint put on aforementioned cute work out outfit (no, it didn't change me!) and went to a 2 hour class at the gym during which there were moments that I thought I would die but lived to tell the tale!

I do want to share that my friend (same one from above----I really have NO friends which is why I am so afraid of facebook I would be the only one there with no one to friend me) has inspired me this year to think of Random Acts of Hope. I have been feeling very hopeless lately [which is that whole 6 months of not blogging...I have been very negative and feeling like I am just waiting to be put out to pasture] I think as a direct result of my dh being out of work for 4 months now and on a bigger level the ending of raising children and a new era in my life. So as a direct result of more Bets in my life and reading the book 30 gifts in 30 days (or something like that) I have decided to try and implement RAH into my life~Today I brought an extra bottle of water to the gym to give to a newbie (knowing since it is January that the gym would be full of them!) and talked to some people before class. It wasn't life-changing or earth shattering but I did get a smile and make someones day.

My word for the day---Hopeful!

Rethink Your Shrink

Check this out! Totally COOL......I love their attitude (and lets face it I can use all the help I can get!)

1. Sort out your food plan. Will you count calories? www.sparkpeople.com is perfect for that. Will you count points on Weight Watchers? (That one helped me break through a plateau.) Will you do Body for Life? Bob Greene’s Diet? Find an eating plan that you will most likely stick to. Then, go purge your pantries and your fridges. Go stock up on the good stuff. And if you’re not logging your food online, we highly recommend a food journal. It’s a big pain in the butt at first to log each calorie and each food, but it’s so worth the hassle in the end! And it helps you to pinpoint poor eating habits like snacking at night or that 3pm Mountain Dew (hubby!)
2. Get your workouts in order. Are you going to Shred? Are you going to run? Walk? Spin class? Do you have a run training plan? Do you have an athletic event to get ready for? Find one! Go sign up for a run that takes place in 7 weeks (www.active.com). Or find a DVD that takes 30 days to do, like Jillian’s 30 day shred or the EA Sports Active 30 day challenge! And then, literally write your workouts into your day and week for the next 7 weeks. Because if you don’t set aside the time for yourself, someone else will steal your time and for the next 7 weeks you have to make YOU a priority! I’ve seen it happen, everyone wants my time!!! BUT NO! I claim a 30 to 60 minute window MINE each day! MINE MINE MINE! You are worth it. Let me repeat: You are worth it.Start giving yourself back some of your worth by giving yourself back some of your own time. Find the best time for you and set it aside and let everyone know you’re serious about it because otherwise that mom/wife/sister/daughter guilt will set in and you need support at home! If you haven’t worked out in a while, talk to your doctor and get a quick checkup and physical. (Disclaimer: we are not doctors or fitness experts! We recommend things that have worked for us and we share our own experiences, that’s pretty much it. The doctors are the real professionals, we’re just here for support! But we do mean business! I’m just sayin.)
3. Finally, join join join! Have you joined our forum over at The ‘Hood? We post recipes, talk about exercising and gear, show off our pictures, cuss like truckers (just kidding. Sort of.) and chit chat. We’re also on Twitter and we tweet all day long (when do we have time for anything else!) We are also on Daily Mile where we log our workouts and send each other motivation and high fives. You can log anything from walks to rides to runs to swims and the all-encompassing “other”. And here’s a hint — we may have a mini-challenge using Daily Mile really soon!
Yes, we at The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans want to infiltrate your entire life and mind so that we can help you reach your goal, whether it’s to run a 5k, maintain your current weight, lose 10 pounds or lose 100. We had some amazing successes and milestones here and we want you to be one of them! And when you do reach milestones, we have pretty little buttons for you to have for your blog! They’re BRAND NEW! Here, these are badges of honor. (When you reach these milestones, we will tell everyone, so make sure you let us know when you do!)
So, starting today, right now, go weigh in. Post about it on your blog. No, you don’t have to post your weight on your blog (I don’t, are you crazy!?) You can just post pounds lost on your blog. But since we’re a “safe place”, please do leave your weight in the comments below and post a link to your blog. (We won’t tell anyone!)
Besides weighing in, there is only one mandatory rule for the next 7 weeks: THERE IS NO NEGATIVE SELF-TALK! NONE! Did you know it takes 12 positive statements to counteract just one negative one? So whenever you find yourself talking nasty to yourself, turn it around. Find the positive. If you feel frustrated, think about something good you’ve done. If someone compliments you, ACCEPT IT! Do not say, “THIS OLD THING??” If you say you can’t, show yourself you can.

****I L-O-V-E this last part....NO NEGATIVE Self talk******I am SO my own worst critic so if you hear me saying anything negative kindly remind me of this MANDATORY rule and help keep me on the straight and narrow!

In a wierd but cosmically good twist my oldest dd just stopped by the house while I was writing this and brought me a gift (who would have thunk it?) It is a silver ring that says inside Be Brave and on the outside says LOVE LIFE.....so karmaically good! I do love her even though she is not walking the path that I wanted for her---letting go and allowing our children to make their own mistakes is such a bit*h!

Sorry for the long post......but I want you to know that I am Committed---or need to be :)

Clean Slate....or is it Clean Plate?

I love New Years Day......It is a clean slate, a fresh new beginning, the world is alive with possibilities. What will I do this year, who will I become, Who will I love, Who will I meet, What will I discover~It is all out there awaiting me, like a giant present from the universe that I have yet to unwrap all beautifully wrapped with a giant bow.

Okay yes, this is already the third post from me today......can you tell that I am trying not to eat?

Honestly though....what do you want to accomplish in 2010?

While realistically I will not be curing cancer anytime soon I do have some big plans for 2010:

I want to get to my goal weight (duh! That is what this whole blog is for, my life as a weight watcher)
I want to complete a marathon....not just any marathon, to be specific the Seattle Rock n' Roll Marathon on June 26th, 26.2 miles......this is also my youngest childs 18th birthday so it is the end of an era in my life, it will be the symbolic "full circle"
I want to finally figure out who and what I want to be.....time to grow up! I have dusted off my GRE testing guides and graduate school may be in my future~but only time will tell
I want to let go of some hurts/slights/traumas of my past, some perceived and some real scars but I want to open up my heart to the delightful world that is out there and not be too busy building walls that I cannot let it in
I want to make a difference in the world......maybe for just one person, but now that I have done the hardest job in the world (raise three children) I need to find something that fulfills me

I think this is a start........looks like I have some work to do huh? Baby steps!

One Final Farewell to 2009

I stole this from Nicole who saw this on The Daily Mel blog, and thought it would be a fun way to say goodbye to 2009!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Exercise.....umm seriously I had never even walked a mile before (okay maybe a mile but really when you looked up Couch Potato in Websters there was a picture of me)

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No, I did not get to goal [really it was supposed to be lose the weight in 2008 which then turned into look fine in 2009 which is now....no words for 2010]but I have lost 43 pounds in 2009 which will help me get there this year!

3. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?
I spent it mourning the loss of my best friend food ie. shoveling my face with all of the foods I plan on not eating in 2010......and saw a movie and watched the fireworks at the Space Needle with dh.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, knock wood!

5. What countries did you visit?
I love that you think we are world travelers! I did however visit Dallas twice, Chicago twice, Las Vegas and Los Angeles in 2009

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More friendships

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 27th~Rock and Roll Baby!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Crossing the finish line

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not opening myself up to the possibilities of happiness and good things

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Knocking on wood again that none of my exercise injuries were serious or career ending

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Roxie~My Red Moxie Mobile (A Kia Rio)

12. Where did most of your money go?
Bills and Teenagers

13. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I've got a Feeling

14. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Laugh, Love and Enjoy Life!

15. What do you wish you’d done less of?
EAT!

16. What was your favorite TV program?
The Biggest Loser

17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No. Can't remember hating anyone since High School

18. What was the best book you read?
Too many to pick just one

19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Zumba Music!

20. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Hangover

21. What did you do on your birthday?
Worked Out with my walking group, went out to lunch, grocery shopped and got sick from Msg (big fun!) However the day before had an EXCELLENT day which included the *best* hot rock massage ever and the Melting Pot ('nuff said!)

22. What kept you sane?
Exercise and Food

23. Who did you miss?
My new online friends whom I met in real life and who live much too far away! I still miss them!

24. Who was the best new person you met?
Too many to name but Zonies are the best!

25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Good Judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgement........or that it is okay to want to kill your teenagers sometimes!

Welcome 2010

Yes, It is me......I know I have not been here since this summer---my reality is that I really haven't been ready to break up with my best friend food. I like her, she likes me and I"know" her if you kwim! Alas, the good times MUST come to an end. Yes, chocolate and cookies and krispy kremes (oh my!) your time has come and it is a new year (finally!) and a new decade and I have a new attitude~

This new attitude has been forged under great duress and I feel like I have walked through a valley of fire to get where I am today but like carbon that becomes a sparkling diamond under great pressure and intense heat [otherwise known as that which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger] I WILL get back to the sassy, snarky me that I used to know

That having been said, no more looking back! I am on the Project 100 train [lose 100 pounds by 1/1/11] and the engine has left the station. I have one day back fully op and I can do this. I can I really can [think, repeat, say aloud, scream from the mountain tops if necessary]

So like Steve Martin in It's Complicated says..............BRING.IT.ON!