This has ceased to be fun.....how many more days can I come on here and talk the talk when I am not really walking the walk. I am "officially" struggling with food, every bite has become mental and physical warfare! Today I ate more food (company picnic) than I would normally eat in a week---and totally feel sick over it!
I know that I should adopt the NGAMO attitude, but I do feel guilt and lots of it....and to make it even worse I am planning to head to a sad movie [I am sad today and need a "reason" to cry] and eat an entire bucket of full on buttered popcorn.
However I am PLANNING on this being it. I am going to wake up transformed, the old Jolene back in place of this one and will be back on program, eating on the straight and narrow.
Churchill once said "When You Are Going Through Hell....Keep Going!" I PLAN TO KEEP GOING!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Eating My Way Through The Day
My day is in dire need of a Ctrl+Alt+Delete!
It all started with a shriveled up apple, a past-the-expiration date piece of string cheese and yogurt and some really nasty Trader Joe's spinach lasagna (this was all I could find in the house to take for lunch, since NO, I did not make it to the grocery store yet) and not a thing to eat for breakfast. This all set the stage for me to eat....and eat....and eat....and then eat somemore. Cake left in the breakroom became breakfast, I raided everyone's food drawers repeatedly throughout the day, and then Justin invited me for thai food for lunch (one cannot say no to thai food!) and then after that it just became a food free-for-all
Logically and rationally I know that I am eating as a direct correlation to major work stress, and to crowd out feelings that I do not want to feel---however I also know quite logically and rationally to not touch the stove when it is hot and that has not stopped me in the past!
I am really tired of being here in this exact spot....fighting the food whirlpool....but I do want to fight the good fight! So hitting Ctrl+Alt+Delete and will get right back on track for dinner (and may even find my way to the grocery store---trying to decide if groceries or clean clothes to wear tomorrow are more important?)
It all started with a shriveled up apple, a past-the-expiration date piece of string cheese and yogurt and some really nasty Trader Joe's spinach lasagna (this was all I could find in the house to take for lunch, since NO, I did not make it to the grocery store yet) and not a thing to eat for breakfast. This all set the stage for me to eat....and eat....and eat....and then eat somemore. Cake left in the breakroom became breakfast, I raided everyone's food drawers repeatedly throughout the day, and then Justin invited me for thai food for lunch (one cannot say no to thai food!) and then after that it just became a food free-for-all
Logically and rationally I know that I am eating as a direct correlation to major work stress, and to crowd out feelings that I do not want to feel---however I also know quite logically and rationally to not touch the stove when it is hot and that has not stopped me in the past!
I am really tired of being here in this exact spot....fighting the food whirlpool....but I do want to fight the good fight! So hitting Ctrl+Alt+Delete and will get right back on track for dinner (and may even find my way to the grocery store---trying to decide if groceries or clean clothes to wear tomorrow are more important?)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Rewind
Today I am wishing that I had one of these:
Mostly so that I could go back and make better life choices, make way better food choices and to go back to a time that life was good again. I wish I could erase that I have been out of the office for 11 straight days and not have to face the mountains of paperwork, bajillion emails and calls and a sad resignation letter that is on my desk.
Alas....in real life there is no rewind button! I am not looking forward to the very long day ahead, which after work must also include unpacking, laundry and grocery shopping---however the scale has me down 3 pounds this week so I am hoping that fact will help me overcome the stresses of the day.
Mostly so that I could go back and make better life choices, make way better food choices and to go back to a time that life was good again. I wish I could erase that I have been out of the office for 11 straight days and not have to face the mountains of paperwork, bajillion emails and calls and a sad resignation letter that is on my desk.
Alas....in real life there is no rewind button! I am not looking forward to the very long day ahead, which after work must also include unpacking, laundry and grocery shopping---however the scale has me down 3 pounds this week so I am hoping that fact will help me overcome the stresses of the day.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Today's Blog is Sponsored By the Letter Z
Today's Blog is sponsored by the letter Z.....Z for Zonie time!
Thats right, I am in Goshen, home of the Amazing Annual Amish Luau. While I could go on and on about how much zonie time means to me, what being a zonie has brought to my life, or why I am willing to travel 2180 miles to the middle of nowhere (where I don't even have cell phone reception in my hotel room for gosh sakes!)I decided that even with changing names to protect the innocent that some things are just better left unsaid in a public forum.
So with that I sign off for the next few days to relish the fun, friendship, and fellowship that my fellow zonies bring. I will check in with you from San Francisco on Monday!
Thats right, I am in Goshen, home of the Amazing Annual Amish Luau. While I could go on and on about how much zonie time means to me, what being a zonie has brought to my life, or why I am willing to travel 2180 miles to the middle of nowhere (where I don't even have cell phone reception in my hotel room for gosh sakes!)I decided that even with changing names to protect the innocent that some things are just better left unsaid in a public forum.
So with that I sign off for the next few days to relish the fun, friendship, and fellowship that my fellow zonies bring. I will check in with you from San Francisco on Monday!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Vacation Day 1
Coach, and Burberry, and Georgio Armani OH MY! How I love thee Chicago and your Magnificent Mile!
Vacation day 1 did not start out the way vacations are supposed to....got bad news from work, and then ended up needing to do a work lunch. However I did get a chance to trapse down the Mag Mile and found time to fall in love with a new purse---until I saw the price tag $2450! Yikes...I have always had champange tastes on a beer budget
Ended up at Ralph Lauren Grill and was happily introduced to Bellini's by 2 handsome attorneys from Pittsburgh(and here I thought Pittsburgh was uncultured!) then my work lunch arrived and she was more than down with drinking our way through the afternoon---so Bellinis all day long! Got a chance to mourn the news I was given today and be able to relax and let go and enjoy the next part of my trip
I gave myself the day off from eating OP....which is a good thing since I am sure there are crazy mad points in the Bellini, let alone what I had for dessert...but overall I am happy I made it out of Chicago with nary a deep dish pizza slice nor Garretts Carmel Corn bag in sight. I am back on program, refreshed and refocused and ready to move on to the fun part of said trip!
Vacation day 1 did not start out the way vacations are supposed to....got bad news from work, and then ended up needing to do a work lunch. However I did get a chance to trapse down the Mag Mile and found time to fall in love with a new purse---until I saw the price tag $2450! Yikes...I have always had champange tastes on a beer budget
Ended up at Ralph Lauren Grill and was happily introduced to Bellini's by 2 handsome attorneys from Pittsburgh(and here I thought Pittsburgh was uncultured!) then my work lunch arrived and she was more than down with drinking our way through the afternoon---so Bellinis all day long! Got a chance to mourn the news I was given today and be able to relax and let go and enjoy the next part of my trip
I gave myself the day off from eating OP....which is a good thing since I am sure there are crazy mad points in the Bellini, let alone what I had for dessert...but overall I am happy I made it out of Chicago with nary a deep dish pizza slice nor Garretts Carmel Corn bag in sight. I am back on program, refreshed and refocused and ready to move on to the fun part of said trip!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Jerry comes into my Life........
I know I have previously shared that Ben & Jerry have been the two consistent men in my life over the years---today I got the honor of meeting Jerry in person! He was heavenly....almost as good as his ice cream! He was funny and witty and passionate about social justice and as soon as I saw that there was an ice cream reception with him as the keynote speaker I knew I was going (Phuleez...you had me at ice cream reception, meeting Jerry was just the cherry on top!)
I was lucky enough to be able to sit next to him during cocktails (mine a secretly disguised ice water parading as a vodka tonic....really wanted to have a vodka tonic but seriously there was ice cream coming people!) and got to overhear the conversations and insights that people shared with him pre-speech----best comment heard "You are personally the reason I took up marathon running"
His speeches and stories touched me....and reminded me of the commitment to the journey that I am on.....and I ultimately walked out with out any ice cream. Thanks Jerry for a nice afternoon---but please don't take it personally if I have to kick you and Ben out of my freezer to make room for my new life!
I was lucky enough to be able to sit next to him during cocktails (mine a secretly disguised ice water parading as a vodka tonic....really wanted to have a vodka tonic but seriously there was ice cream coming people!) and got to overhear the conversations and insights that people shared with him pre-speech----best comment heard "You are personally the reason I took up marathon running"
His speeches and stories touched me....and reminded me of the commitment to the journey that I am on.....and I ultimately walked out with out any ice cream. Thanks Jerry for a nice afternoon---but please don't take it personally if I have to kick you and Ben out of my freezer to make room for my new life!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Checking In from Chi-Town
Checking in from Chi-Town....day 3 done and 2 more in Chicago before heading on to vacation. Eating has not been stellar, however I have avoided all deep dish Chicago pizza AND I have also managed to not eat my way through all of the temporary booths at the show (this is huge people as EVERY SINGLE BOOTH has food, candy, alcohol,etc that they are pushing on you...it is like costco samples on steroids!)
Also have not yet taken my workout clothes out of my suitcase, but I have walked everywhere and taken the stairs every time (and we are on the 13th floor of the merchandise mart) I seriously want to go out for a run....but it is freaking hot here people....how do you people live here?!?
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