The New Normal

Well Hello

Haven’t seen you awhile! I know I know….first I was busy working two jobs and then the earth tilted and I fell off my axis as seismic life changes shook me to my core and I lost (or forgot) who I was inside and the voice that I had disappeared and then lately I was busy having a major pity party for one. However I have picked myself up shook myself off and learned to whisper again thanks to good friends and some interesting life lessons along the way.

My trip back from the dark side made me realize that this is the new normal…...


Today’s new normal involved a brownie [and my friend Betsy tossing her cookies]. So, it was doughnut Thursday (ugh!) and to make matters worse there was a potluck that I had to attend. Luckily, in my honor, they made it healthy (all sorts of yummy salads and fruit) until it came to dessert, which (wait for it) were brownies. And not just any brownies mind you….the MOST awesome looking brownies that I had ever seen (and I've seen a lot of brownies in my life if you kwim)…and made from scratch (not really a word in my kitchen vocabulary!) and did I mentioned that they were frosted, because they were…with at least an inch of frosting on top. So I was sitting there formulating a plan (read panicking!) and having an internal war on whether or not to just have the damn brownie or to stick with my prearranged plan to eat my 60 calorie sugar free jello dark chocolate pudding and the evil twin was saying just have it, you can have just one and the (very, very tiny) good side of me was saying no just have the pudding and I thought to myself why can’t I just have the brownie like a normal person AND then it hit me…..I am not a normal person when it comes to food……I am a food addict and if I would have had the brownie with everyone else it would have led to me having “just one more” and then sneaking back into the lunchroom after everyone was safely back at their desk to “sneak” just one more and then it would have led to me stopping at the grocery store on the way home to buy a brownie mix so that I could make them tonight and eat the whole pan in the comfort of my own home, so no I could not just have one.

HOWEVER, I probably would have had “just one brownie” if earlier in the day I hadn’t read Betsys blog post about tossing her cookies---buying the cookies, smelling them, driving almost home with them, convincing herself that she could eat just the one she had allotted herself---before pulling into the rest area and throwing the whole box away. It gave me the strength that I needed to eat the pudding, be happy and let go of all of the comments about how ultimately delicious the brownies were. Thanks Bets, I needed that!


Does it mean I will never eat another brownie? No, but it means that I won this battle and will be suiting up (literally in my exercise clothes for class tonight) to ultimately fight the war. This is my new normal!


Reminded me of this poem that is one of my favorites:

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost...I am helpless

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place,

but it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in...it's a habit.

my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.


I AM WALKING DOWN ANOTHER STREET---why don't you join me, I could use some friends on this new street in this new neighborhood, in this community!