True Confessions Tuesday AKA Just Call Me Judith

My True Confession Tuesday is this.....I feel like this lately:

I have been eating stellar even though temptations beckon at every turn: s'mores and grilled cheese last Friday at work, Carrot cake for the birthday celebrations this week, the doughnut thursdays.....you know the usual! However I have resisted---what I have been doing though is becoming a total monster.

I know it is partly fueled by exhaustion, partly by cranky customers at both jobs, partly by financial worries, the general woes of the world, lack of exercise, and other varied random excuses (frankly it might be the lack of chocolate) however I feel cranky and totally and utterly like Judith

I do NOT want to be a slave to food, I do not want to spend my days thinking about the golden arches, making a run for the (taco bell) border or the cheesecake factory.....I want to be happy again.......I want to enjoy life with out being a addicted to the next bite, lick or taste.......Help, Calgon take me away!

I SHOULD be estatic today---I have been waiting on pins and needles for 4 things to come through and 2 of the 4 of them happened today---hallelujah! However my material hunger for a damn krispy kreme or reeses peanut butter cup or hot fudge sundae is clouding my vision. Time to take off the food goggles, take a hot bath and get a good nights sleep....after all, tomorrow is another day!

Weekend Update

Live from New York.....It's Saturday Night (Okay so it's live from Seattle and its really Sunday----a girl can dream right!) Here is your week in review from the Weekend Update Desk (yes I am a SNL fan....even won the ticket "lottery" when I lived in NYC and got to go to a taping)


Monday....The Monday Project this week is to come up with 5 reasons why we "totally rock" Sadly I cannot think of even 1 reason why I totally rock, but I did try to think of some things that I am good at:

1. I am a good researcher---I love to know WHY---and thus love to look stuff up...I totally don't believe that curousity killed the cat!
2. I am a good instructor---while I do NOT have the patience of a saint, I do have a life long love of learning and carry my enthusiam across to others. This is why I am a good step/zumba instructor and would totally rock as a weight watchers leader if I could ever get to goal.
3. I am a good listener/sounding board/problem solver
4. I can see the "forrest through the trees" Give me a big picture scenario and I can immediately see the smallest details that need to get done....I am a great party planner (and in another lifetime I am sure I was a wedding coordinator)
5. I believe in karma, which is why I believe I am a good woman who tries hard, wants to save the world, and looks out for the underdog (although lately my superhero cape needs a change!)
This was HARD....we are so much our own worst critics! I could have totally come up with triple the list of what I suck at!

Tuesday: True Confessions Tuesday...see previous post for my sins this week!

Wednesday: Weigh In Wednesday....in spite of crashing and burning last weekend, I did get back in the game right away and managed to lose all that I gained plus 2 count em 2 lovely pounds! WHOO~HOO!

Thursday: The Thursday Three...This weeks 3 is three things that motivate us during workouts----My 3 are:
1. Group classes....I like to know others are suffering with me!
2. The thought of my goals, and tangible things like picturing me in a bathing suit
3. Rewards! I like to reward myself for exercise goals so that I keep it up---the bottom line for me is that I need to move it to lose it!

Friday/Saturday/Sunday:
One word: WORK, WORK, and more WORK! In my day job we are in our busy season and it has been non-stop action, and in my side job tax season is heating up so I am feeling the burn.....but the paychecks will be nice! My dh had 4 interviews this week so I am hopeful that something will pan out and my side paychecks can go towards something fun instead of bills...I am dreaming of a lovely cruise down the Mexican Riveria complete with umbrella drink in hand!

Thats all I got this week....peace out peeps!

CRASH...and...BURN

Crashed and burned....yes, this in a nutshell was my trip to Dallas! It is True Confessions Tuesday and they say that confessions are good for the soul SO.....here goes:

"Hi, my name is Jolene and I am a closet eater." Yes, my friends not only did I consume enough calories to feed a small country (behind closed hotel doors of course) I also did not so much as even touch my workout clothes or stick to any of my pre-planning. So much for working the program! On a positive note however, I have already gotten back on the horse and shed those pounds gained! Also, I think not "officially" weighing until Friday is one of the best ideas that I have had in awhile.

I am not really sure what my trigger was....besides stressful 12 hour work days, images of Haiti the only thing on the television, having to eat out as my only option for food, and the isolation of traveling alone---however I am hoping by writing my way through this I will be better able to navigate the future travels that I have planned for March.

I think that the seductiveness of not being caught eating can rear it's ugly head for me in a heartbeat....I can eat more food in one sitting than most people eat in days (truly!) I used to stop for fast food before going home to dinner and not think twice about eating two meals plus dessert. I have not done that in a while but the memories all came floding back while in Dallas. I did however resist the siren song of the McDonalds that was a block away.....but it was touch and go!

I know I can do this but some days I just want off the roller coaster ride---I have invested so much time and energy and money and emotional turmoil into "dieting" over the past decade and some times I just want it all to end but then I remember that I am worth it, this is about my health and my life and I will get to the top of this mountain no matter how hard the climb!

Whew....I guess confessions are good for the soul! Now 5 hail marys and hours in the gym and it will be like I never ate the pasta, pizza, chocolate, bread pudding, cannoli, etc.

Off to exercise through the Biggest Loser show!

i have a DREAM

"I look forward confidently to the day when all who work for a living will be one with no thought to their separateness as Negroes, Jews, Italians or any other distinctions. This will be the day when we bring into full realization the American dream -- a dream yet unfulfilled. A dream of equality of opportunity, of privilege and property widely distributed; a dream of a land where men will not take necessities from the many to give luxuries to the few; a dream of a land where men will not argue that the color of a man's skin determines the content of his character; a dream of a nation where all our gifts and resources are held not for ourselves alone, but as instruments of service for the rest of humanity; the dream of a country where every man will respect the dignity and worth of the human personality."

RIP Martin Luther King....thank you for standing up for those who had no voice and envisioning a life that you could only dream of.

Words (of Wisdom) AKA Motivational Wall

Let me start by saying I *heart* words....I think they are HOT and very much a turn on in my world. I mean really---juxtaposition, uber, fantabulous....how can you not love these? I am SO not a creative person and while I like photos and colors and sights the written word has always been where my passion lies, so it goes without saying when I read the Monday Project this week that my Motivation Wall would be filled with words!

Odd though how one of my favorite things (words) have such a seedy dark side as well....maybe a bit like me! I was thinking [while in front of the mirror where I always say bad words to my reflection] about the power of words to hurt---- big words like FAT, UGLY, STUPID, MORON, RACISM, DEATH, DIVORCE, TAXES.....you get my drift. I would like to take the sting out of these more and take away their power....I guess I would settle for saying less bad words to myself!

For my motivation wall I used words and quotes found from the magazines collecting dust in my powder room and am building an elaborate mural on my bedroom wall centered around a large calligrapy quote of LOVE CONQUERS ALL....in lieu of pictures (I am technoillerate---plus I cannot find a USB cord for my camera) I thought I would share my words with you:

Stays on Track.New Body.Rule the Gym.Ignite your Relationship with Running.New World.For Once Celebrate a Losing Season.This time It's Personal.Discover.BRING IT ON.Blogworthy.Passion you can taste.Champion.Get Off the Roller Coaster.Be Flexible.Happy Feet.Reinventing Awareness.sound mind sound body.STRONG.high five.happy.the more you move the more it works.Are you ready?.wish you were here.create your beautiful.nice legs.set off sparks.WARRIORS.sexy year.WILD RIDE.nice booty.lose weight.unstoppable.I am beautiful on the inside.From fat to FIT.Biggest Loser.Feel Fabulous.Ready to Rock.Rock your own Anthem. ROCK AND ROLL.
"We all grow into the beautiful person that we're supposed to be"

I will be gone until Sunday night....in the meantime, leave me some words!

Weigh In Wednesday

That's right....I am a loser again! I am heading to Dallas in the morning so decided to weigh in a couple of days early and coincidentially be right on time for Wednesday Weigh-in in the hood.
DOWN 3 POUNDS!
Nervous about travel eating while away for 4 days but I have a plan, have my running shoes packed and am throwing some OP snacks in both my checked and carry on luggage and it is only 4 days......

T-I-R-E-D

This is how I feel...too tired to think, too tired to eat (this for me is really tired!) and too tired to feel! I am beyond exhausted from working two jobs but I think I am really more mentally tired, tired of worrying what will happen next and what is around the next corner in both this journey and in my life. I hate to admit it but I am a control freak at heart and I do not like not knowing what is coming next. I like neat orderly control...but alas life is not control-able. I am trying to focus more on one day at a time....sometime I can just get through one bite at a time and hang on from there.

I received an email today and it was if the author had read my mind! She said "I've had a lot going on in my head the past few days (a.k.a. noodling), and have been feeling very overwhelmed. I need to stop looking at the big picture, and just take this journey one small chunk at a time." She challenged us to look at what one step we could take in the next 30 days to keep going on this journey.....I SO needed that today!

I am still thinking about my 30 day challenge---I need it to be doable in my life the next 30 days (and realistically I have a 4 day trip to Dallas this week and am working two jobs) so that I won't be discouraged if I fail (so exercise may not be a good challenge as time is at a premium) but I also want it to be challenging (like a water goal wouldn't be challenging as I am the water queen and drink buckets daily!)

Ideas Anyone???

Loser

I'm a loser baby....that's right, first weigh in of the year. I am down -6 today! YEA! Was a little worried that my body would rebel as I haven't been to the gym since Sunday due to the 14 hour days this week however I am happy with 6. Gotta love water weight!

ThE mOnDaY pRoJeCt PaRt DeUx

Okay....here's the story....No, MY story!

Actually I will spare you the gory details, most of them found elsewhere here in previous posts....but it boils down to the nitty gritty. I am still a FAT forty-something woman who has been focused on the 'fat' roller coaster ride for the past decade, sometimes up, sometimes down, have been as close as 26 pounds from goal and over the past decade have gained and lost and gained and lost HUNDREDS of pounds! I wish I knew the Why of it but although I have a lot of theories I have no real answers.

For the Monday Project though I am choosing to look at the positives of my journey thus far. In 2009 I lost 43 pounds and kept them off. I discovered how much I love exercise and have found a wide variety of them that I have continued to this day. I crossed the finish line of a 5K, 12K and a 1/2 marathon and have my sights firmly planted on doing the full marathon this June. I made new friends through my weight loss efforts both on-line and in real life. I learned some new lessons along the way~the most important of which is that this is not a diet it is a whole new lifestyle and while it is hard it is important to remember which hard you want to choose. I CHOOSE the hard that makes me struggle to walk out of the kitchen on doughnut Thursdays, I choose the hard that makes me revert to my girl scout path "being prepared" by packing my lunch bag before I leave for the day and counting and journaling the points Versus the hard that hates what she sees in the mirror, the hard that makes walking up the stairs a struggle, the hard that doesn't love herself enough to put the fork down.

I am working on finding peace and love and acceptance of the skinny girl inside of me desperately trying to get out so that this go round in 2010 will not end in self sabatoge and a fear of success. I have some new plans in place to catch me when I'm falling and a renewed passion to enjoy this journey and so with every step and every squat, lunge and pushup I will fight the good fight and do the warrior dance!

I have shared some *gasp* before photos in my previous Monday Project post and look forward to sharing some after photos someday soon!

Whale Vs. Mermaid

I love this! Thanks Bets for the smile today.....

WHALE VS.MERMAID



Recently, in a large city in Australia ,
a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said, "This summer,
do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

A middle-aged woman,
whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster,
responded publicly to the question
posed by the gym.


To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.)
They have an active sex life,
get pregnant and have adorable baby whales.
They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp.
They play and swim in the seas,
seeing wonderful places like Patagonia ,
the Bering Sea
and the coral reefs of Polynesia .
Whales are wonderful singers
and have even recorded CDs.
They are incredible creatures
and virtually have no predators
other than humans.
They are loved, protected and admired
by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don't exist.
If they did exist,
they would be lining up outside the offices
of Argentinean psychoanalysts
due to identity crisis. Fish or human?
They don't have a sex life
because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex?
Just look at them ... where is IT?
Therefore, they don't have kids either.
Not to mention,
who wants to get close to a girl who smells
like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me:
I want to be a whale.

P..S. We are in an age
when media puts into our heads
the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends.
With time, we gain weight
because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads
that when there is no more room,
it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren't heavy,
we are enormously cultured,
educated and happy.
Beginning today,
when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, "Good grief, look how smart I am!"

Neverending Days

I am not 20 anymore! Burning the candle at both ends just isn't as easy anymore at my age. Word of the day...Exhausted!

Working two jobs sucks....let's face it, working one job sucks so two is just double the suckdom.....but in my attempts to remain positive I will focus on the good---some people have no job and I have two...how lucky I am! [no that is not a trace of sarcasm in my tone!]

The down side to this week is that there has been no gym time but I have been very OP!

OH HAPPY DAY!

Word of the day.......EXULTANT
Hubs Bisopy results finally back~it's not cancer, just an abcess [although "just" is probably not the appropriate word here as this little medical malady set us back thousands but to worry about that another day] OH HAPPY DAY!

Thinking happy thoughts today........besides "It's Not Cancer" here are some other happy words to get----Will you marry me, It's a Boy(or) Girl, You got the job, You are cured, I now pronounce you Mrs._____, Congratulations you won the lottery, Bon Voyage, and You lost weight this week!

My random list of happy things:
Chocolate.Sunshine.Umbrella Drinks.Sunsets.Happy Mail.Flowers.The music of Queen.Otters.Rainbows.Zonies.Amish Luaus.Zumba.Biggest Loser.Babies Who BelongtoOthers.Daughters.StarryNights.Sons.Mydogs.AGoodBook.PJDays.Naps.Waterfalls.
Oceans.Cruises.Crushes.TheGratefulDead.SFFFMilkshakes.CreativeConversations.
ABlueMoon.Traveling.PixieDust.FiberOneKeyLimePieYogurt.DrMcDreamy.GoodRealityTV.
Silence.Friendships.Holidays.Kisses.Walkingonthebeach.Smiles.LasVegas.Losing.ME

ThE mOnDaY pRoJeCt

Is it Monday? No! Am I thinking about the Monday Project? Yes....and have been ever since Melissa emailed it to me (thanks!) Here it is in it's long form:
So, let’s ask the tough questions.
What about 2009 (and beyond) did not work? What were my goals? Did I fall short of achieving them? If so, why? What were my biggest obstacles? What were my patterns? What was my “rock bottom” moment? What are my bad habits? Sit down and think about each question and answer them as fully and completely as you can in your mind. Target your patterns and obstacles that have impeded your efforts in the past, the potential hazards for this time around. Is it sweets at work? No support from your family? No motivation to work out because it’s too early or too late? Eating at night? Emotional eating? Negative self-talk? Are you stuck? No time?
Then, take a look at 2009 and beyond and think about what did work. Because you don’t want to fix what ain’t broke. If something worked for you, if you felt progress somewhere, found successes, (because along the journey there are a million tiny victories, many of them non-scale related!), what were those? All of your victories are a very big deal! Give yourself a high five, out loud, to everyone!
The part three of this project is to work out those bugs from 2009. For anything that didn’t work, think about your proposed solutions to the issues. And I say “proposed” because this is all one big experiment. They could change at any time because not everything works the way you want it to. And that’s ok! This is a journey. Not an immediate fix. These things take time. This is a work in progress.
Now, go about your days this week thoughtfully, consciously and aware of all these questions and when you find yourself in a “situation” where there is the potential for your efforts to be derailed, you’ll think, “Oh yes! This is what she meant! Here’s one of those obstacles!” And if you don’t know the answer to how to fix one of your aforethought struggles and/or habits, this gives you time to find out some solutions.
And when you’re ready, sit down and write out your thoughts. Finally, post your story, complete with a “Before Picture” (which is entirely optional. But I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours! It can be your Before, it can be your “right now” if you’re somewhere in the middle of your journey, it can be both.) Thinking....and Thinking.....and Thinking.........
While I am thinking~here are some of my motivating "before" pics

Phototime

A BRAVE new day

So....we were having this discussion in chat last night about being brave vs. being a chickensh*t and it would appear that I am the only that thinks that we are brave (me, the negative snarky one!) and I do~think we are brave. In fact, I believe that we are all brave wise wonderful human beings who deserve good things----and do the best that we can with what we have at the time. (Okay who is this and where is Jolene???? lol)

Van Gogh said "WHAT WOULD LIFE BE IF WE HAD NO COURAGE TO ATTEMPT ANYTHING."

So in the spirit of bravery....my definition of bravery is:

• The ability to be yourself (after all everyone else is taken)
• The ability to get out of bed everyday and keep going usually with a smile on your face especially in light of this uncertain economic world
• The ability to keep going back OP increasingly in the wake of many failed attempts
• The ability to know that you are powerless to control what happens to your children/teenagers/grown children, yet you keep doing the right things anyways even when it hurts (and it usually does!)
• The ability to face Mr. Scale on a weekly or sometimes daily basis even when we know we won't like what it says
• The ability to live in a world where food is vital, necessary and everywhere, yet it remains our addiction of choice
• Drinking all of our daily recommended 64 ounces of water and not know where all the bathrooms are in a mile radius (you may laugh---but you know what I mean!)
• Being the largest person in your fitness class and learning to not worry what everyone else thinks because you have just as much right to be there
• Getting on the dreadmill or the bike or the eliptical or which ever piece of equipment you hate when you are tired or sore or busy or _____________(fill in the blank excuse) because you made a commitment.

This and so much more (serving our country in the military, working in a demanding public service job or working with difficult hard to serve populations, fighting for world peace, etc) is MY definition of bravery.

My RAH for the day was two-fold....I went to a new zumba class to support a first time instructor in her endeavors and I brought a bag of clothes from my closet to the dv shelter because I know they are always in low supply of larger clothes. The look and smile and gratitude I got from Jackie (the new instructor) made my whole week!

Exercise today....6-8 miles walked with walking group (I love Sundays and the ability to catch up on the minutia of our groups lives) and 1 hour of Zumba

Word for the day...SORE! (drat those bar curls from yesterday!)

Signs....(of the Apocalypse?)

I have to be honest.......this is the first New Year's that I didn't feel that "rush" of adreneline that accompanied most of my New Years to start my "diet" HOWEVER there were plenty of signs that led up to me getting back on track:

• Without asking, I received both a "cute" workout outfit [I have NEVER owned a cute workout outfit---secretly wanted one but was afraid I might turn into one of those uber-perky bleached blonde gung-ho skinny minnie gymrats, pardon the stereotype!] AND a basket of 1 pt treats for Xmas
• My SIL arrived at our house for Xmas having lost over 250 pounds and looked stunning at goal....it was really like a Biggest Loser just walked in the door. My dh(it is his sister) actually drove past her at the airport as he did not recognize her. It is a major kick in the as$ when the person whom started doing weight watchers because of you(me) and whom at the time was way too large to wear any of your hand-me-downs shows up bringing you a massive amount of XL clothes that she has outgrown. While my wardrobe appreciated the boost, it was a sting that has got me fired up!
• I ran into my doctor at Panera (much better place than sitting in those stupid paper gowns) where I *was* ordering bagels and cream cheese along with muffins and pastries and she goes "Wow Jolene I haven't seen you since you did the 1/2 marathon how did it go?" with the silent eyes giving me the once over and it was not how I wanted to look the next time I saw her
• My good friend, who has been around this weight loss thing for a while but has been taking a scenic route, finally 'got her head in the game' and lost 15.5 pounds during the month of December. I was offering (mostly unwanted) advice and support along the way but felt I couldn't really talk the talk if I wasn't walking the walk
• Last but certainly not least, my dh has been very ill in december and has had to have a plethora of poking and prodding and massive tests and seeing his high blood pressure and other tests come back reminded me of how extremely proud I was of my blood work this summer and I want that feeling for all time. I NEVER want to worry about..............fitting into restaurant booths, if the chair will hold me, if I am impacting my health, if I will be the one to make the elevator or ride exceed the weight limit. I WANT to be a role model, a fit and healthy 40 something woman who runs circles around my life!

However probably the biggest sign is that today when my alarm went off (wayyyy to early for a Saturday) I got up with out complaint put on aforementioned cute work out outfit (no, it didn't change me!) and went to a 2 hour class at the gym during which there were moments that I thought I would die but lived to tell the tale!

I do want to share that my friend (same one from above----I really have NO friends which is why I am so afraid of facebook I would be the only one there with no one to friend me) has inspired me this year to think of Random Acts of Hope. I have been feeling very hopeless lately [which is that whole 6 months of not blogging...I have been very negative and feeling like I am just waiting to be put out to pasture] I think as a direct result of my dh being out of work for 4 months now and on a bigger level the ending of raising children and a new era in my life. So as a direct result of more Bets in my life and reading the book 30 gifts in 30 days (or something like that) I have decided to try and implement RAH into my life~Today I brought an extra bottle of water to the gym to give to a newbie (knowing since it is January that the gym would be full of them!) and talked to some people before class. It wasn't life-changing or earth shattering but I did get a smile and make someones day.

My word for the day---Hopeful!

Rethink Your Shrink

Check this out! Totally COOL......I love their attitude (and lets face it I can use all the help I can get!)

1. Sort out your food plan. Will you count calories? www.sparkpeople.com is perfect for that. Will you count points on Weight Watchers? (That one helped me break through a plateau.) Will you do Body for Life? Bob Greene’s Diet? Find an eating plan that you will most likely stick to. Then, go purge your pantries and your fridges. Go stock up on the good stuff. And if you’re not logging your food online, we highly recommend a food journal. It’s a big pain in the butt at first to log each calorie and each food, but it’s so worth the hassle in the end! And it helps you to pinpoint poor eating habits like snacking at night or that 3pm Mountain Dew (hubby!)
2. Get your workouts in order. Are you going to Shred? Are you going to run? Walk? Spin class? Do you have a run training plan? Do you have an athletic event to get ready for? Find one! Go sign up for a run that takes place in 7 weeks (www.active.com). Or find a DVD that takes 30 days to do, like Jillian’s 30 day shred or the EA Sports Active 30 day challenge! And then, literally write your workouts into your day and week for the next 7 weeks. Because if you don’t set aside the time for yourself, someone else will steal your time and for the next 7 weeks you have to make YOU a priority! I’ve seen it happen, everyone wants my time!!! BUT NO! I claim a 30 to 60 minute window MINE each day! MINE MINE MINE! You are worth it. Let me repeat: You are worth it.Start giving yourself back some of your worth by giving yourself back some of your own time. Find the best time for you and set it aside and let everyone know you’re serious about it because otherwise that mom/wife/sister/daughter guilt will set in and you need support at home! If you haven’t worked out in a while, talk to your doctor and get a quick checkup and physical. (Disclaimer: we are not doctors or fitness experts! We recommend things that have worked for us and we share our own experiences, that’s pretty much it. The doctors are the real professionals, we’re just here for support! But we do mean business! I’m just sayin.)
3. Finally, join join join! Have you joined our forum over at The ‘Hood? We post recipes, talk about exercising and gear, show off our pictures, cuss like truckers (just kidding. Sort of.) and chit chat. We’re also on Twitter and we tweet all day long (when do we have time for anything else!) We are also on Daily Mile where we log our workouts and send each other motivation and high fives. You can log anything from walks to rides to runs to swims and the all-encompassing “other”. And here’s a hint — we may have a mini-challenge using Daily Mile really soon!
Yes, we at The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans want to infiltrate your entire life and mind so that we can help you reach your goal, whether it’s to run a 5k, maintain your current weight, lose 10 pounds or lose 100. We had some amazing successes and milestones here and we want you to be one of them! And when you do reach milestones, we have pretty little buttons for you to have for your blog! They’re BRAND NEW! Here, these are badges of honor. (When you reach these milestones, we will tell everyone, so make sure you let us know when you do!)
So, starting today, right now, go weigh in. Post about it on your blog. No, you don’t have to post your weight on your blog (I don’t, are you crazy!?) You can just post pounds lost on your blog. But since we’re a “safe place”, please do leave your weight in the comments below and post a link to your blog. (We won’t tell anyone!)
Besides weighing in, there is only one mandatory rule for the next 7 weeks: THERE IS NO NEGATIVE SELF-TALK! NONE! Did you know it takes 12 positive statements to counteract just one negative one? So whenever you find yourself talking nasty to yourself, turn it around. Find the positive. If you feel frustrated, think about something good you’ve done. If someone compliments you, ACCEPT IT! Do not say, “THIS OLD THING??” If you say you can’t, show yourself you can.

****I L-O-V-E this last part....NO NEGATIVE Self talk******I am SO my own worst critic so if you hear me saying anything negative kindly remind me of this MANDATORY rule and help keep me on the straight and narrow!

In a wierd but cosmically good twist my oldest dd just stopped by the house while I was writing this and brought me a gift (who would have thunk it?) It is a silver ring that says inside Be Brave and on the outside says LOVE LIFE.....so karmaically good! I do love her even though she is not walking the path that I wanted for her---letting go and allowing our children to make their own mistakes is such a bit*h!

Sorry for the long post......but I want you to know that I am Committed---or need to be :)

Clean Slate....or is it Clean Plate?

I love New Years Day......It is a clean slate, a fresh new beginning, the world is alive with possibilities. What will I do this year, who will I become, Who will I love, Who will I meet, What will I discover~It is all out there awaiting me, like a giant present from the universe that I have yet to unwrap all beautifully wrapped with a giant bow.

Okay yes, this is already the third post from me today......can you tell that I am trying not to eat?

Honestly though....what do you want to accomplish in 2010?

While realistically I will not be curing cancer anytime soon I do have some big plans for 2010:

I want to get to my goal weight (duh! That is what this whole blog is for, my life as a weight watcher)
I want to complete a marathon....not just any marathon, to be specific the Seattle Rock n' Roll Marathon on June 26th, 26.2 miles......this is also my youngest childs 18th birthday so it is the end of an era in my life, it will be the symbolic "full circle"
I want to finally figure out who and what I want to be.....time to grow up! I have dusted off my GRE testing guides and graduate school may be in my future~but only time will tell
I want to let go of some hurts/slights/traumas of my past, some perceived and some real scars but I want to open up my heart to the delightful world that is out there and not be too busy building walls that I cannot let it in
I want to make a difference in the world......maybe for just one person, but now that I have done the hardest job in the world (raise three children) I need to find something that fulfills me

I think this is a start........looks like I have some work to do huh? Baby steps!

One Final Farewell to 2009

I stole this from Nicole who saw this on The Daily Mel blog, and thought it would be a fun way to say goodbye to 2009!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Exercise.....umm seriously I had never even walked a mile before (okay maybe a mile but really when you looked up Couch Potato in Websters there was a picture of me)

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No, I did not get to goal [really it was supposed to be lose the weight in 2008 which then turned into look fine in 2009 which is now....no words for 2010]but I have lost 43 pounds in 2009 which will help me get there this year!

3. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?
I spent it mourning the loss of my best friend food ie. shoveling my face with all of the foods I plan on not eating in 2010......and saw a movie and watched the fireworks at the Space Needle with dh.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, knock wood!

5. What countries did you visit?
I love that you think we are world travelers! I did however visit Dallas twice, Chicago twice, Las Vegas and Los Angeles in 2009

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More friendships

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 27th~Rock and Roll Baby!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Crossing the finish line

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not opening myself up to the possibilities of happiness and good things

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Knocking on wood again that none of my exercise injuries were serious or career ending

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Roxie~My Red Moxie Mobile (A Kia Rio)

12. Where did most of your money go?
Bills and Teenagers

13. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I've got a Feeling

14. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Laugh, Love and Enjoy Life!

15. What do you wish you’d done less of?
EAT!

16. What was your favorite TV program?
The Biggest Loser

17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No. Can't remember hating anyone since High School

18. What was the best book you read?
Too many to pick just one

19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Zumba Music!

20. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Hangover

21. What did you do on your birthday?
Worked Out with my walking group, went out to lunch, grocery shopped and got sick from Msg (big fun!) However the day before had an EXCELLENT day which included the *best* hot rock massage ever and the Melting Pot ('nuff said!)

22. What kept you sane?
Exercise and Food

23. Who did you miss?
My new online friends whom I met in real life and who live much too far away! I still miss them!

24. Who was the best new person you met?
Too many to name but Zonies are the best!

25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Good Judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgement........or that it is okay to want to kill your teenagers sometimes!

Welcome 2010

Yes, It is me......I know I have not been here since this summer---my reality is that I really haven't been ready to break up with my best friend food. I like her, she likes me and I"know" her if you kwim! Alas, the good times MUST come to an end. Yes, chocolate and cookies and krispy kremes (oh my!) your time has come and it is a new year (finally!) and a new decade and I have a new attitude~

This new attitude has been forged under great duress and I feel like I have walked through a valley of fire to get where I am today but like carbon that becomes a sparkling diamond under great pressure and intense heat [otherwise known as that which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger] I WILL get back to the sassy, snarky me that I used to know

That having been said, no more looking back! I am on the Project 100 train [lose 100 pounds by 1/1/11] and the engine has left the station. I have one day back fully op and I can do this. I can I really can [think, repeat, say aloud, scream from the mountain tops if necessary]

So like Steve Martin in It's Complicated says..............BRING.IT.ON!