I have been thinking a lot lately about beauty, societal defined beauty, and what one sees in the mirror. I have never felt beautiful EVER in my life, not once, even on days when I have had professional help---but this past week I have had tons of people telling me how pretty I look, and did I do something different?[ummm no!]
In fact, one of my best friends told me last weekend after I had returned from my vacation that I looked better than I ever have before (and she has seen me at my best and thinnest.) My co-worker told me it was the tan, she said everyone looks skinnier and prettier with a tan....which I do have a tan but what I decided after some serious pondering was that beauty really comes about from love, laughter and cutting yourself some slack.
Instead of being my own worst critic, I want to be able to look at vacation pictures without cringing, and want to learn to love the woman in the mirror....because really even though she may not look like Paris Hilton, she may have more to offer than she gives herself credit for.
This line was posted in the zone today and it really spoke volumes to me....."I'm really working the last few days on realizing that it is just my weight, while healthwise it needs to go down, it does not define ME as who I am and what I am."
Perhaps I can find a way to define myself that has nothing to do with the size of my ass....and remember how pretty I felt while laughing said ass off.
That having been said, my mother is in town so whatever inner beauty I might be feeling or challenging myself to feel will be out the window in the first few seconds upon seeing her. While I love my mother dearly, she is not the best for my self-esteem. The last time I visited her, within 5 minutes of being in the car while still at the airport she had managed to insult my hair, my weight, my clothing and my personal life choices. (Hooray for mothers everywhere!) \
Hopefully this time she will see what everyone else has seen this week---the tanned, newly defined, happy woman in the mirror!
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